Ladies Who Don't Need to Sing in Undergarments

LADIES WHO DON’T NEED TO SING IN UNDERGARMENTS

Ajit Chaudhuri – April 2020

I don’t know if you’ve noticed it, but many women singers sing in clothes resembling undergarments. And I see why – because the likes of me would not otherwise notice them. And so, I have made a list of songs (all in English, and all sung by women) that have zapped me, songs that I would not give a crap what the singer is wearing and how she is gyrating. Along with the list is a short note on why I liked each one.

Afficionados, please note – the criteria for selection is a) has to have zapped me, b) woman singing it, and c) in English. I have whittled the list down to 20, which means that some beautiful voices have not made it (Joan Baez, Sinead O’Connor, Shirley Bassey and Stevie Nicks come to mind). And the English criteria has meant that some that have zapped me are negated (such as Agnetha Faltskog’s ‘Vart Ska Min Karlek Fora’, Nazia Hassan’s ‘Aap Jaisa Koi’ and Miriam Makeba’s ‘Malaika’).

So, here’s the list! The one’s in italics are where the singer has also written the song!

Singer	Song	Group	Year
Adele	Make You Feel My Love		2008
Asha Bhonsle	Bow Down Mister	With Boy George and the Culture Club	Late 1980s
Deborah Harry	Sunday Girl		1978
Diana Ross	When We Grow Up	The Supremes	1973
Janice Joplin	Mercedes Benz		1970
Jessi Colter	I’m Not Lisa		1975
Joan Armatrading	The Weakness in Me		1981
Joan Jett	Bad Reputation		1980
Joni Mitchell	Circle Game		1966
Kim Carnes	Bette Davis Eyes		1981
Linda Perry	What’s Up	4 Non-Blondes	1992
Lulu	To Sir With Love	In ‘To Sir With Love’	1967
Miley Cyrus	Every Rose Has Its Thorn		2010
Natalie Maines	Travelling Soldier	Dixie Chicks	2002
Norah Jones	Here We Go Again	With Ray Charles	2004
Petula Clark	Downtown		1964
Sandy Denny	Who Knows Where the Time Goes	Fairport Convention	1969
Shania Twain	Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain	With Willie Nelson	2003
Tracy Chapman	Fast Car		1988
Yvonne Elliman	I Don’t Know How to Love Him	In ‘Jesus Christ Superstar’	1970

The Cross Generation Numbers

I.             

Miley Cyrus – ‘Every Rose Has Its Thorn’: I couldn’t stand this woman – she was among a select group of people who had me reaching for the remote to change the channel whenever she appeared on TV (along with Will Smith, Jim Carrey and a certain Indian Prime Minister who I don’t have the courage to name). The thought of her singing this hardcore and very male 1988 metal number written and made famous by the group ‘Poison’ had me in a quandary between laughing and vomiting.

I was wrong on this! She does it brilliantly (and looks damn good while doing it)!

Norah Jones – ‘Here We Go Again’: I love Ms. Jones – that smoky voice, the lack of any frills, and the fact that she doesn’t use her father’s fame (unlike her half-sister). But still – going one-on-one with the great Ray Charles on this one?

She not only holds her own; she gives this old number a completely new flavour!

Shania Twain – ‘Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain’: The song is like a low-end prostitute; it’s been done by almost everybody. What made this version special was the singer – she did it live, with Willie Nelson accompanying her on the guitar and back-up vocals. We all know that she can sing, but this was something else!

The cute numbers

Deborah Harry – ‘Sunday Girl’: I remember this number from the days when I infested dance floors as a young man and, when I heard it again more recently, I remembered why. There was something about Blondie, a certain girlie meanness behind the cute look, the bad hair, the sweet voice and the unremarkable lyrics that was accentuated by the punk rock guitaring of Chris Stein who accompanied her.

Diana Ross – ‘When We Grow Up’: The execrable film ‘Young Adult’ had exactly one redeeming feature – a background song that caught my ear for its lilting beauty and simplicity. The lyrics went, ‘I don’t care if I’m pretty at all; and I don’t care if you’ll ever be tall; I like what I look like, and you’re nice small; we don’t have to change at all’. It turned out to be a 1970s number by the one-and-only Ms. Diana Ross.

Lulu – ‘To Sir with Love’: I heard this first as a teenager while seeing the eponymous film. The film (about a dedicated teacher and a school in a tough London neighbourhood) was brilliant, as was its theme song – sung at the school’s graduation party, with lyrics about the transformation of their lives (‘those school girl days; of telling tales and biting nails are gone’) and gratitude to the teacher (‘how do you thank someone; who has taken you; from crayons to perfume’).

The songs that strike

Janice Joplin – ‘Mercedes Benz’: The version I first heard had no accompanying musical instruments and no background vocalists, and I don’t know what zapped me more – the lyrics, or Joplin’s voice. It says a lot about what has changed in 50 years, that a song of protest about consumerism has been converted into an ad for a high-end brand. It also says something about what has not, that hers was a unique voice (like she had broken glass down her throat) and she continues to be inimitable.

Joan Armatrading – ‘The Weakness in Me’: I knew of the singer, but the first time I actually heard her was while watching the chick-flick ’10 Things I Hate About You’ – one of the background numbers (i.e. this one) had the lyrics ‘why do you come here, and pretend to be just passing by’ sung in a voice that had all the pain of forbidden love. I was floored to the extent that I immediately looked up the lyrics and chords and tried to belt it out with my guitar. And better singers than me have tried to do so (such as Melissa Etheridge), but this one is among those best heard in the original.

Joan Jett – ‘Bad Reputation’: Named in 2009 as the 29^th best hard rock song ever (and highest-ranked by a woman) – I love everything about it; the tune, the lyrics, the music video of it (this is seriously funny – it parodies many of the music labels that kicked her out for not being able to sing), and the fact that it is used by a top woman wrestler (Ronda Rousey aka Rowdy) as accompaniment to enter the ring. A credible imitation is by the singer Avril Lavigne, who shed her ‘sweet goody two shoes’ image to redo this number more than 30 years later – she sounds almost the same as Jett.

Joni Mitchell – ‘Circle Game’: This brilliant singer and song-writer was on my long list for three songs – I am going with this particular number because it zapped me the most when I first heard it (in the last scene of some film in the mid-1990s; I stayed to watch the post-movie credits so that I could hear it to the end).

Linda Perry – ‘What’s Up’: This is a song about the frustration involved in adjusting to one’s place in the universe, and people either love it (‘a massive neo-hippie anthem’, according to one review) or hate it (The Huffington Post described it as, without question, the worst song of the 1990s). I love it! The lyrics are simple and catchy, the tune takes you from high-range to gravelly in a single passage, and the chords are playable by amateurs such as yours truly.

Yvonne Elliman – ‘I Don’t Know How to Love Him’: My sisters loved this song, so I was forced to listen to it a lot while growing up, and it is among those that we belt out together every time we meet up and are a few drinks down. The tune is memorable, and the lyrics encapsulate how a man would describe the confusion of love from a woman’s point of view. I like it to the extent that I still try to do it every now and then with my guitar, and have everyone wonder about my sexuality.

The pure voices

Adele – ‘Make You Feel My Love’: I knew the name, but nothing that she sang, until I stumbled upon this one. The lyrics are disconcerting in their old-fashioned anti-feminist description of unrequited love, but they fit brilliantly with the singer’s unique voice. I was unsurprised to subsequently learn that it was written and originally performed by Bob Dylan. Adele’s version is a huge upgrade (and I love Dylan)!

Asha Bhonsle – ‘Bow Down Mister’: This Boy George number meanders along until, somewhere towards the end, a not-unknown back-up vocalist magically transforms it into something special with the beauty and purity of her voice. 

Sandy Denny – ‘Who Knows Where the Time Goes’: I had never heard of either the singer or the song until it popped up on some playlist recently but, once I did, life has not been the same. The voice haunts me, and the lyrics buzz in my ears. It was difficult for me to believe that Ms. Denny wrote this song while still a teenager.

Tracy Chapman – ‘Fast Car’: I heard this one when it first came out, in the days when stuff like ‘Papa Don’t Preach’ and ‘Like a Virgin’ were dominating the airwaves, and I remember that it was like breathing fresh air. A beautiful voice, a melodious tune, instruments that weren’t overpowering, and lyrics that meant something! Wow!

The others

Jessi Colter – ‘I’m Not Lisa’: I heard it recently on some playlist, and went back and played it three more times. The tune is unexceptional, but the lyrics are about something rarely described – a man’s love for his ex-spouse from the perspective of his current spouse – ‘I’m not Lisa; my name is Julie; Lisa left you; years ago;’, etc. You would not have heard of singer or song, and I recommend a try.

Kim Carnes – ‘Bette Davis Eyes’: I thought it was Rod Stewart when I first heard this number, and was surprised to subsequently learn that the singer is a woman and a cute blonde at that. The song did so well that Bette Davis herself came out and endorsed it, saying that it made her look cool to her grandchildren.

Natalie Maines – ‘Travelling Soldier’: There is nothing exceptional about either singer or song, and I don’t know why it zapped me – but it did, and so it is here!

Petula Clark – ‘Downtown’: The song writer for this one, Tony Hatch, claims that ‘it never occurred to me that a white woman could even sing it’ until Petula Clark expressed interest and made it into a smash it. I loved it from when I first heard it, in my early 20s, and it has accompanied me on many drinking sessions since then.